"A Night in Sickbay"

Written by Rick Berman and Brannon Braga
Directed by David Straiton


In which an incredibly stupid decision by Captain Archer lands Porthos in sickbay, and during the long night after, Archer and Phlox get to know each other a little better...

Synopsis - Analysis - Memorable Quotes - Observations


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Synopsis

As the episode begins, following an excursion on an alien planet, Archer, T’Pol, Hoshi, and Porthos are in the decontamination chamber. Of course, Hoshi’s rubbing down T’Pol, T’Pol’s rubbing down Archer, and Archer’s rubbing down his dog. Enteprise needs a plasma injector, and the aliens make them. Unfortunately, the aliens were highly offended the last time they were on the ship, so Archer’s spent the last week or so formally begging for forgiveness. And he’s not happy about the fact that after being forced to wait 12 hours, the team was sent back to the ship without explanation.

Dr. Phlox informs them that Hoshi, T’Pol, and Archer are cleared, but Porthos has been infected with an unknown pathogen. Down in engineering, Trip informs Archer that it’s too much of a risk to continue with one of their five plasma injectors offline. The ship only needs four, but that would leave them with no margin of error. Archer reluctantly agrees to ask T’Pol to contact the aliens and see what can be salvaged.

Having checked the decon chamber, Archer stops by sickbay to see what happened with Porthos. He finds his dog in an isolation chamber. The pathogen is causing Porthos’ auto-immune system to shut down. Phlox is running some tests to determine the best course of action. Archer is angry, since Enterprise sent the aliens Porthos’ genome to ensure that he would be safe on the planet. Phlox assures him that the data was sent...but it’s likely that the aliens never bothered to check. As far as Archer is concerned, if anything happens to Porthos, he’s going to make sure the aliens are more than just “offended”.

Back on the bridge, Archer asks T’Pol if she’s managed to contact the aliens and find out what happened. After insisting on speaking with him in the ready, T’Pol informs Archer that the aliens found it offensive when Porthos relieved himself on one of their most precious cultural symbols: 300-year old Alvera trees. T’Pol passed on Archer’s sincere apologies and asked what might be done to make up for the act, but that only angers Archer even more. He’s not the slightest bit sorry, and doesn’t like the idea that T’Pol spoke for him.

After some angry tossing of the water polo ball in his quarters, Archer realizes that he can’t sleep knowing that Porthos is still in sickbay. Archer drops by sickbay, and more or less demands to sleep there for the night to keep his dog company. Phlox agrees, knowing better than to argue. Archer is concerned that Phlox isn’t educated in the right kind of medical training for treating animals, but Phlox assures him that his credentials more than cover the current crisis.

Phlox is confident that he has eliminated the pathogen, but because Porthos’ immune system is compromised, he needs to be treated to fight off secondary infections. Phlox suggests that they both get a couple hours of sleep until the treatment is complete or medical alarms are triggered. However, Archer can’t sleep, thanks to the noise of Phlox trimming his toenails. And then, of course, there’s the sound of Phlox brushing or scraping down his incredibly long tongue.

An hour later, Archer is pulled out of his fitful slumber by the sound of Phlox feeding the various alien creatures that he’s collected during the ship’s travels. Exhausted, Archer leaves, promising to check on Porthos again in a couple of hours.

He stops by the gym, where T’Pol happens to be running on a treadmill. Archer sets his own treadmill to the same speed. T’Pol asks after Porthos, and when Archer snaps back that he’ll know in a couple of hours, T’Pol turns up her treadmill speed. Archer responds in kind, asking whether T’Pol has heard from the aliens regarding their list of punishments. T’Pol reminds him that it’s not punishment, it’s an apology...and turns up the speed again. Archer, annoyed, matches the speed again.

T’Pol, not at all winded by the increased pace, makes it clear that Archer acted improperly by bringing his dog on such an important mission, especially after having offended the aliens once already. When Archer repeats his bit about how the aliens could have told him to leave Porthos behind, T’Pol counters that he’s ignoring the consequences of his actions. Archer is putting Porthos’ right to breathe fresh air above the needs of his ship.

As T’Pol again raises the speed of her treadmill, Archer angrily snaps back that he can worry about both his dog and the ship. T’Pol points out that he needs to consider his priorities. When Archer questions T’Pol’s ability to understand humanity, T’Pol agrees that she cannot understand placing so much emphasis on a primitive pet, and shuts down her treadmill. Archer taunts her over walking away, but T’Pol has had enough of Archer’s little game.

Hoshi informs them that the aliens have forwarded their demands, and Archer reviews the list. It’s apparent that the demands are rather annoying, since Archer passes the list to T’Pol to make preparations. He returns to sickbay to get some sleep, but soon enough, there’s an alarm as Porthos goes into shock. Phlox informs Archer that his initial treatment has failed, and he needs to try something new to save the dog. Phlox manages to save Porthos, but it will take another few hours to see how the new treatment works.

Phlox asks after the situation with the aliens, and Archer rails about how he has to perform a number of ritual apologies before they’ll even consider giving them a new plasma injector. What’s more, he can’t believe that T’Pol thinks he cares more about Porthos than the Enterprise. Phlox wonders why T’Pol’s opinion should bother him so much. Archer dodges the question, but Phlox persists, asking how long it’s been since Archer was with a woman.

Archer doesn’t take the question well, not wanting to be analyzed. Meanwhile, Hoshi is informed by the aliens that they are getting impatient with Archer’s lack of a response. Archer is awoken by the sound of Phlox cursing, and when he pulls the curtain to see what’s happening, he finds Phlox chasing after a bat-like creature. Once again awake, Archer decides to help Phlox re-capture the creature. Hilarity ensues.

As they hunt down the bat, Phlox continues his conversation with Archer about T’Pol. He’s sure that there’s a growing sexual tension between Archer and T’Pol, and he thinks that Archer is annoyed by T’Pol’s opinion because he feels that his attraction to T’Pol is inappropriate. Archer denies any such feelings. Before Phlox can go farther, Hoshi walks in...easily plucking the bat out of the air in the process.

Hoshi informs Archer about the aliens and their growing annoyance. After checking on Porthos, she returns to the bridge. Archer tries to get some sleep again, and winds up dreaming about Porthos’ funeral. As Phlox, the preacher, gives the euology, Archer finds himself face to face with T’Pol. Phlox’s eulogy switches over to his earlier comments on inappropriate sexual tension.

The dream shifts to the decon chamber, but instead of Porthos having to stay behind, it’s Archer and T’Pol. As they are given a new decon agent, T’Pol disrobes entirely, and soon Archer and T’Pol are rubbing goo all over each other’s naked bodies. Archer wakes up with a start, having gotten very little rest.

He asks after Porthos, and Phlox tells him that the second treatment doesn’t seem to be working very well. T’Pol stops by with some food, and Archer snaps at her again. He immediately apologizes, albeit with a few Freudian slips along the way. When T’Pol tells him that she and Hoshi have organized the aliens’ demands into categorized lists, Archer reminds her that his only concern is Porthos. But he softens it by asking to see the list when he returns to the bridge.

Another alarm sounds, and Phlox informs Archer that while the new treatment was successful, Porthos’ pituitary gland was completely destroyed in the process. He needs to perform a transplant, which will require drowning Porthos to minimize the shock to his pulmonary system. Archer is rather uncertain about how that sounds, and is even less convinced when Phlox admits that the procedure has never been done. But when he questions Phlox about his judgment and understanding of Porthos’ importance, Phlox gruffly leaves it in Archer’s hands.

Sometime later, as Phlox performs the procedure, Archer asks him what he ought to do, if this hypothetical sexual attraction were real. Phlox doesn’t believe that any response ought to be made, other than to be aware that it exists. Archer wonders about the basis for Phlox’s thoughts on sexual tension, and winds up asking him about his family dynamics.

Phlox tells Archer about his wives, children, and the other husbands...and finds out more about what Phlox has left behind. But Phlox assures him that he wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. Archer apologizes for accusing Phlox and his people of being insensitive. Phlox graciously accepts, as the operation to save Porthos is successfully completed.

Sometime later, on the alien homeworld, Archer conducts part of the ritual apology, as required. It takes some doing, but he manages to get three new plasma injectors by the time it’s over. Back on Enterprise, Archer offers T’Pol an apology for the friction between them. T’Pol offers that tension will always exist when people are working in close quarters. Archer observes that it can be even more difficult when dealing with members of the opposite sex. She replies that it’s a good thing that Archer is her superior officer, or otherwise that friction could become much more problematic. Hypothetically, of course!

Afterward, Archer stops by sickbay, to thank him for putting things into perspective and to check on Porthos. Not only was the operation a success, but he’s ready to go back to Archer’s quarters. Phlox graciously invites Archer to stop by sickbay any time.


Analysis

In many ways, this is a tough episode to review. The intentions of the writers are obvious from the beginning, given the absurdity of the situation and the extremes to which Archer takes his concern for Porthos. But at the same time, the episode falls short of the wackiness that the writers were aspiring for, and the result leaves Archer looking like he never should have made it through the academy.

Part of the problem is the writing. If this is what Berman and Braga consider to be “pushing the envelope”, then it’s no wonder that they seem to think bland retreads are exciting works of art. Nothing in this episode approaches the kinetic energy that a full-out wacky comedy requires. Instead, Archer’s irrational behavior is written with exactly the same kind of dialogue as Archer’s more serious moments. That’s a mistake, because when the other shortcomings build on that error, the effect is terrible.

That’s where the direction comes into play. The director took a far too conservative approach to this episode, if the intention was to break the conventions and show everyone acting out of character because we’re meant to assume that it’s an exaggeration. Every single scene feels and looks as though this is “reality”, and so all of the strange and outlandish behavior appears to be as “real” as any other episode.

If we take this episode seriously, then we can only assume that Dr. Phlox failed to declare Archer unfit for command out of sympathy for the captain’s obvious emotional distress. After all, we’re supposed to believe that Archer would be stupid enough to take his dog with him on a mission to a planet of easily offended aliens. On top of that, we’re supposed to believe that Archer is equally stupid enough to place the health of his dog over the needs of his mission.

If Archer really believes that he should place Porthos and the Enterprise mission on the same level of importance, then T’Pol ought to toss him into a straightjacket, assume command, and send the insane humans right back where they came from. This is an Archer that has clearly lost his mind, and bears very little resemblance to the character that has been showing all kinds of growth since the beginning of the season.

I suppose that this complete failure to grasp even the most obvious command responsibilities stems from Archer’s growing sexual attraction to T’Pol. What that has to do with the basic idiocy of bringing Porthos on a critical mission, I don’t know. Nor does that even begin to excuse Archer’s actions in this episode. If a little bit of sexual frustration is driving the captain out of his mind, then he doesn’t deserve to be in command.

The character that shines in this episode is Dr. Phlox. Beyond telling Archer to get the hell over it already when it comes to T’Pol, he gives Archer the most critical lesson when it comes to dealing with the Enterprise mission. When Archer asks him about his family, Phlox gives Archer the first good look at exactly how much he gave up to join the Interspecies Medical Exchange Program. In short, he gave up everything.

And this entire episode points out that Archer hasn’t yet been willing to give as much for the Enterprise mission. Oh, he’s risked his life quite a few times, but Porthos represents the part of him that still clings to Earth. If he wants to prove that humanity is ready to leave the nest, then he has to divorce himself from the security of the familiar.

The Archer that we’ve seen up to this point appeared to be ready for that step. The Archer in this episode clearly was not.


Memorable Quotes

ARCHER: “I’ll tell you this, Subcommander. If anything happens to Porthos, I’ll be the one watering their Alvera trees!”

ARCHER: “Isn’t it logical that I could care about my dog and my ship?”
T’POL: “I’m not questioning your pluralities. I’m questioning your priorities.”

ARCHER: “That stuff isn’t poisonous, is it?”
PHLOX: (Tastes medical goo.) Nah...I’ll be fine...

PHLOX: “Two Praelorian slips in thirty seconds. Interesting...”

PHLOX: “You may have trouble finding him from time to time. He’ll have the ability to blend into the background whenever he becomes frightened.”
ARCHER: “You’re kidding!”
PHLOX: “Yes, I am. Ha ha!”


Observations

- OK, you’re the captain, and two very attractive women and your dog need to be rubbed down with decon-grade Astroglide. So who gets your manly attention? The dog. Great choice, bud...

- Exactly how many degrees can a guy have before he gets the title “super-genius”?

- Wow. Phlox must be rather popular with the ladies. I wonder if Ensign Cutler’s seen that tongue of his in action...

- If T’Pol’s workout suit were any tighter, I think she’d cut off circulation to her head.

- Why wouldn’t Enterprise have already figured out that it makes sense to synchronize the ship’s time with that of the aliens they are dealing with?

- I think Archer should always dress in that ritual get-up! It’s much cooler than those drab uniforms!

- Gotta love that smile at the end...

- Is this why the captain were always trying to score with the alien babes in Kirk’s time? To prevent any complications due to horny, frustrated captains?

Overall, this episode would have worked far better had it been written and directed in a more kinetic style that matched the bizarre situation. As it stands, the episode takes itself far too seriously, and leaves Archer looking like a lunatic with the command skill of a five-year-old.

I give it a 3/10.


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